I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
