I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
