i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
