Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize