he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
