I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
