I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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