I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
