____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize