I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
