I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
