your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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