I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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