It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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