I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
