i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
