Got a toothbrush?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
