well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
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med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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