chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
