At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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