HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
