ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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