I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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