I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
