The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
