All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize