Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I want a musical about memes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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