Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
