there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
