I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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