sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you inspire me to be a worse person
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
