thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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