Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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