Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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