the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
