Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
