Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
