Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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