You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
