That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize