Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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