After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
