I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
