i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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