FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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