Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
