The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
