So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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