loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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