its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
