he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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