if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
