I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
