i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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