New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
