Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
