Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
