Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
