he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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