I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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