I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
