I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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