Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
