Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
