You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
