This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
